As promised- the conclusion of show day! I appreciate all of the feedback I’ve received as to the future of the blog, it’s been incredibly helpful, and actually quite humbling. Never fear, my lovelies, I will stick with you and continue to write until you all give up on reading. Luckily for you, I have SO MANY WORDS TO SAY. Thank you for caring to read them.
Here we go.
So I left the venue after the morning show on a high. First call-outs! High hopes and hugs from my posing coach, my husband, strangers– strangers kept approaching me to tell me how incredible I looked on stage! I’ve never experienced anything like that. It was absolutely surreal.
But mostly I was just thinking about turkey. Holy cats did I just want to eat meat. So I did. I went home (the contest venue is about 4 minutes from my house- convenient!) and I ate a turkey sandwich. Then the leftover turkey taco meat and rice. Then half a bag of turkey jerky. I have never craved meat so badly in my life. In the span of an hour, I ate about 110g protein. Knowing I needed to keep my muscles full, I attempted to get some carbs in, too, but I just wanted aaaaallllllll the meat. And then I waited.
My entire prep, I’ve had something to do at all times. Macros to recalculate, lifting journal logs to evaluate, podcasts to listen to, workouts to fit in… and suddenly, nothing. I literally had nothing to do until the night show. I couldn’t even get a workout in if I wanted, like my husband used the time to do, because of my tan and makeup. So I just sat. I didn’t even read anything. What in the world was I to do with myself? I just counted down until I could go back, and my husband tried to entertain me by coming out between sets to flex for me and compare lats and quads. Between sets of that, I would go stare at my makeup or wander around the house just vacuuming my stomach to keep things feeling tight.
Finally I got to go back. I gathered my doughnuts, my husband, and my friend, and bounced out to the car. Luckily, I got to stand around and wait another hour and a half at the venue, too. You have got to be kidding me with this hurry-up-and-wait delayed-satisfaction anxiety bullshit!
went through various stages of undress in that time. I’m hot- take off my shirt, remain in
sweatpants and bikini top. No, cold, shirt back on. Hot, pants off, because bikini bottoms and plaid flannel tops is totally a thing. Put on your heels. What are you doing you idiot your feet are going to hurt, put your damn flip-flops back on. If there was a time-lapse focusing just on what I wore in that short span of time, I bet it would be hilarious.
In all my dressing and undressing, my posing coach asked me what I ate for lunch, a worried look on her face. “Oh girl, your butt is just hanging. You didn’t need all that protein. You need carbs!”
So I ate a caramel rice cake.
Apparently 12g carbs was not enough. She meant serious business. I was pointed towards one
of the 5 boxes of doughnuts, countless cookies, cupcakes, brownies, Reese’s cups, chocolates, and Gushers. A couple mini Oreos and a pack of Gushers. Nothing. Half a doughnut. Not enough. Keep eating. I begged to stop, and was sent out to the parking lot to get glazed (a shiny and delicious smelling oil that is applied before you get on stage so you look nice and fresh and bronze) as a break. More doughnuts and chocolates when I came back. Please can I just eat my carrots?! (If you don’t know, I’m OBSESSED with carrots. I buy a five pound bag of organic about every two weeks and demolish them before they go bad every single time.)
Apparently all the protein I ate over my lunch break served to satiate my cravings for turkey, but also did the exact opposite of what I wanted. Rather than keeping my muscles full and puffy looking, it dampened them down and made them look saggy!
I am dead serious when I tell you that I FELT my butt perk up. Another poke to the glutes while getting my suit glued back on again confirmed: the carbs were working. I looked right at it- sure enough, my booty was perkier! Are you kidding me? Eat doughnuts, acquire better booty? This seems wrong. I mean, I’m as big a proponent of doughnut consumption as part of a balanced training schedule as any, but… really?! AWESOME. My friend and I grabbed a couple of chocolates- mmmm, the crunchy toffee kind!- and headed to the pump-up room to reunite with the class C girls.
Lining up for the night show, I was more calm than I had been in possibly months. I was excited, for sure, but confident. I was ready. I wanted to be out on that stage again- the cheering, the smiling, showcasing all my doughnut bum and toffee biceps, all the months of work, of macro counting, of lifting, of stair sprints, of posing lessons, of being mean to my husband when my fats dipped too low… all of it came down to this. My friend walked out right before me, and from backstage I watched her present her package- gorgeous. She had put a few little flirty touches on her posing, and it flowed beautifully. A camera was trained on my face, but all I could do was watch her, and I couldn’t help but smile. Look at how far you’ve come! Feel that! Feel how amazing you look- feel how they see you! I was so proud of her!
And then it was my turn- my T-walk. Confident, I strutted out onto the stage. This moment was everything. I relished it. I took my time in each pose, this was MY stage, dammit, and you WILL see me, all of me. And you will be impressed by it.
(Apologies for the bit in the beginning… my husband got super excited and forgot he should be pointing the camera at me)
In every pose, I thought to myself, “nailed it!” No jitters. No racing thoughts. No second guesses. I was in the moment- this moment WAS mine. It was me, and every person cheering, every person who had come to support me, every person who had encouraged and pushed and cheered me on through my prep… this was for them.
I remembered my number at the night show, and when they called me to accept my trophy, second place, I remembered to walk, and to the correct place. My smile was genuine. I didn’t care what the number was at all in that moment. All I cared was that I had done it. Every moment of my life for three months had been focused on doing it, and I had done it. Forgetting the outcome, my placement, I had accomplished what I set out to do, and that was more important in that moment than the congratulations hugs I received when I walked off the stage from my husband, my friends, strangers… I had done this. I had done. This.
I rode my bike to get a slice of pizza and a beer, as planned, with my husband and a friend, after a quick rinse. (My poor shower!) I was weirdly orange on the outside, but glowing, golden on the inside. I was exhausted, but I felt like I was radiating, a calm happiness. I finished neither my pizza nor my beer- it turned out I was too exhausted for either. But I was happy to be celebrating with two of my favorite people in the world. I was even more happy a few minutes later when I celebrated with my pillow and husband for 14 hours.